#Tw child loss

[daisjohnsons]

AGATHA ALL ALONG | 1.09 "Maiden Mother Crone"

"I spoke no spell. I said no incantation. You... You were made from scratch."

[selkiewife]

No one sings songs about them.

[dawneternal]

And Yesterday You Were Here With Me

you were bigger than the whole sky / you were more than just a short time

✦ Azriel x Reader. Platonic Cassian x Reader, Nesta being a good friend.

✦ this one is a bit vulnerable to share. It's definitely something I wrote to process some of my own grief. (Hopefully it's not disrespectful to post this the day after mother's day) Take care of yourself and don't read if it will trigger you 💛

✦ Warnings: miscarriage, description of miscarriage/blood, grief and loss

✦ Read on AO3

You sit frozen, staring down at the crimson marbling the water in the toilet, struggling to breathe properly.

It was only last night that you had put the pieces together. Your late cycle, nausea, and fatigue. The strange gut feeling that something was off, but not in a bad way. In a new way - a different way. You immediately planned to try and see a healer here in the Day Court while on your mission with Cassian. That way you could return to Night and tell Azriel right away. You could barely sleep, excitement and nervousness filling every inch of your being as you tried to think up a clever or funny way to tell your mate.

And now all of those hopes and plans had crumbled, slipping through your fingers before you could catch them. Now, sitting on the toilet and feeling the cramps crashing through your body, you understood how quickly your heart had filled with love for this little possibility.

Before the full impact of it had even hit you, before you had even left the bathroom, you found yourself wishing you could skip ahead a month or a year. Because once the grief began, you knew it was going to be almost unbearable.

•✦•✦•✦•

You padded toward the door to the room next to yours, shifting your weight from foot to foot as you knocked. The door swung open wide and Cassian appeared. His smile quickly turned to confusion as he registered your bare legs, oversized t-shirt just barely covering your underwear. You had meant to put your shorts back on but they were forgotten on the bathroom floor in your flurry of emotion.

Cassian grasped your arm and pulled you into his room, looking both ways down the hall before he closed it behind him.

"What are you doing?" He asked in bewilderment, whirling around to look at you.

"We have to go right now. I need Azriel." You cursed your wavering voice. You were trying desperately to hold it together. Not to send anything down the bond and worry Azriel.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Cassian's face softened, confusion turning to concern as he inspected you for injury, eyes skimming over your trembling form, the hem of your shirt bunched in your fists.

"I-" You knew he was going to ask but the question broke you anyways. You slid to the floor, lip quivering. The thick carpet was rough against your bare legs.

A sob wracked your body as the grief began, dark churning waves swallowing you whole. There was no stopping it, no turning back. Almost immediately, you felt a questioning tug on the golden thread in your chest.

Cassian crouched beside you, elbows resting on his knees. He didn't speak for a moment, trying to decipher the scene, grimacing at the sorrowful cry you let out.

"Your cycle?" He asked, his voice gravelly. You could tell from the worry in his tone that he already knew the answer but you shook your head anyways. He could smell it. The blood and the loss.

"How long have you...." His voice drifts off, like the rest of the question would only break you further. It probably would.

"Last night," You manage between gasps, tears wetting your face and neck, leaving dark spots on your collar.

"Are you in any pain?" He asks, and you nod again, clutching your lower stomach in answer.

Cassian stands and disappears. You can hear sounds of rummaging, zipping and scraping as you bury your face in your hands. Azriel's questioning pulls are growing closer together and more frantic.

Cassian returns with his pack slung over his shoulder, a pair of his sweatpants in hand. He grabs your shoulders gently and pulls you up. Then he holds out the sweatpants for you to step into, letting you brace yourself on his shoulders. He scoops you up without a word and you let your head fall against his shoulder, tears never ceasing.

•✦•✦•✦•

The House of Wind comes into view and Cassian can make out Azriel, pacing back and forth on the balcony. As soon as you are close enough, his shadows dart toward you in the sky, circling to check for injuries. You're not sure what they'll tell him.

Cassian lands smoothly and you are instantly handed to Azriel, his familiar warmth pulling a fresh wave of tears down your face. His anxious face is looking down at you and can't stand the tenderness, letting your eyes close. He's whispering with Cassian and you can't hear what they're saying inside your bubble of grief. But you feel a wave of sorrow through the bond and you silently thank Cassian for saying the words you couldn't conjure.

Azriel is taking you inside, holding you tightly against him, and you can hear the sound of beating wings as Cassian takes off again.

You hear the thud of Az's boots on the floor, then you're shifting in his arms as he sits cross legged on the couch and pulls you into his lap. You pull your knees to your chest and he wraps his arms around you.

"I'm sorry," you croak, voice hoarse from crying.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," His deep voice rumbles in his chest and the vibrations are comforting. His fingers are running through your hair, soft kisses pressed to your forehead. His other hand rubs your back in soothing circles.

Cassian returns soon with Madja, carrying her bag of supplies. You are looking deliberately anywhere but at their faces, not able to bear any sadness or compassion you might find. Such shame has enveloped you, but you're not even sure what for. You don't have the words for it.

She lets you stay in Azriel's arms as she examines you. Her hands glow with a golden aura as she moves them up and down, then centers them over your lower abdomen. You feel a strange tingling as her magic pulses through you, returning back to her with information about your condition. The room is silent as she works, watching and waiting.

When Madja is done, she runs a tender hand across your forehead, brushing your hair back from your face.

"You were right, dear," She says, her voice is kind but with no pity like you feared, "A miscarriage. An early one, likely about six to eight weeks. They're sadly very common in early pregnancy."

Azriel's hands tighten around you, your gaze too focused on the healer to see the tremble of his bottom lip. But Cassian sees it, and it splits his heart in two. Madja places a few vials on the coffee table and continues,

"Take one of these a day and they'll help with the pain and ward off infection. You'll want to keep in mind that your emotions may be a little high as your hormones even back out. And plan for your next cycle to be extra heavy. I'd like to see you around that time to make sure all is well."

You nod, biting your bottom lip to keep the crying from starting again. You want to ask her about the overwhelming sorrow you feel, if that's normal or not. But she presses a hand to your cheek and gives you a sad smile and you understand that she knows what you're feeling.

"I'm sorry for your loss, my dear," she says, then turns to Azriel and presses her hand to his face in turn, "I know that you don't need my warning, because you're a good man and you'll support her. But don't for a moment let her believe that this was her fault. There was nothing anyone could have done, and now she needs to rest and heal. And you take care of yourself, as well."

You look up at Azriel's face and watch him give a grave nod. He looks down at you, a few tears falling down his face, and you wipe them away as your own begin again.

•✦•✦•✦•

The next few days are spent in your shared room, curled up in the bed. Mourning, crying, sometimes smiling and laughing over daydreams of what could have been. Your beautiful possibility.

Your fear of Azriel's reaction entirely melts away. He grieves with you, tenderly reassures you that you've done nothing wrong. That when the time comes again you'll make a wonderful mother and he'll welcome the new life with you. He begins the habit of calling your lost one your little star. It somehow soothes and sharpens the pain at the same time.

You did not know it was possible to miss something you'd only had for such a short time. To feel such an unbearable amount of love for something you had not even held in your arms. And you knew the love would not go away even though your little star was no longer with you. All of that love would stay in your heart until your last day on earth, and beyond that it would burn in the sky as a glittering star when you were finally reunited with your baby. Someday, you would grow around the grief and your body would learn to hold it with less pain, but until then your very bones would ache with the loss.

•✦•✦•✦•

When you're ready, a handful of your friends gather with you to say goodbye. Feyre, Cassian, and Nesta follow you to the Sidra under the full moon. They were the only ones who knew, yet. In time you'd tell all of them, but it was all too fragile still. You couldn't even think the words without a lump forming in your throat. Rhys knew and had sent his condolences, and you suspected his absence was out of respect to your privacy.

Nesta and Feyre had helped you begin to return to normal, coming over in the morning to braid your hair and make sure you had breakfast. Even though Azriel had never left your side. Slowly, the shock faded away into the dull ache of mourning, the numbness in your body giving way to the aftermath of its loss.

Today, Nesta held your coat out for you and tucked your scarf around your neck. When you slip your hands into your pockets, you find something waiting for you. You pull it out, holding it flat in your palm to examine.

A bracelet. Strands of light pink, light blue, and gold woven together. A tiny golden star charm dangled from it. You look at Nesta with a wobbly chin, eyes glistening, and she smiles, giving your arm a squeeze.

Now, you kneel at the edge of the Sidra, near the mouth of the river pouring into the sea. The moonlight dances on the gently flowing water, stars glimmering as far as the eye could see.

You murmur your prayer and place your lantern in the water, watching the current carry it away to the sea. Azriel sits beside you and pulls you tight against his side, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. His tears are cold against your skin. You watch the little light drift away toward the horizon, staying until the cold of the ground seeps through your shoes and the lantern has long since disappeared.

Mother hold you, little star. May she greet you with all the love and tenderness I cannot give you, and may she keep you close until I leave this earth and come to meet you. As long as I am breathing, you will not leave my heart for a moment.

[splatattackz]

memory/hope is LITERALLY what wouldve happened to pomme and tallulah had they not have been found. theyre all in the same group (group #002), and all were very hidden from the islanders. tallulah and pomme we know were starving and nearly died from it, waiting for the islanders to arrive. memory/hope was in the exact same situation (hidden from islanders, starving) but never got the luxury of being found. they were too far out, too well hidden. that entire group is like a cruel experiment of how far can the eggs be pushed before they die. and memory/hope was the limit.

theres a reason group #002 is headed by the "department of subsistence monitoring"

[a-998h]

Hello I saw your Neuvillette story and I got an idea from I, what if the reader is the reincarnation of a child that he loved as his own but passed away at an early age due to sickness.

*Warning: this fic contains mentions of child death, child illness, abandonment, and depressing thoughts!*

By clicking "Keep Reading" you have read and understand these warnings

"The merchant quickly plucks the loveliest rose he can find, and is about to pluck more to create a bouquet only to end up," Neuvillette reads before being cut off.

"Why didn't the merchant just ask for the roses?" The child asks.

Neuvillette smiles and pats the child's head. After finishing the story, Neuvillette packs up and takes the child back to their home.

"Excuse me?" Neuvillette asks.

"Yes, your child has Eleazar sir," the doctor said.

Neuvillette kept his composure as best as he could. But it was hard, especially when the doctors figured out the child had such an advanced case that they only had a year left.

One year later in the summer, the child died and Neuvillette was a mess. He cried and mourned for so long. He knew he would lose you to old age eventually but now... you didn't even make it to a double digit age.

Neuvillette was forced to take today off because Furina said so. He placed a bouquet of Rainbow Roses on the child's grave and took a walk through the streets. He then saw you, a dirty little child in an alleway. When he saw you, he frowned.

"Who could do this to such an innocent thing?" Neuvillette asks out loud.

Neuvillette's first thought was to give you to an orphanage, but something made him not want to. He got you some food and he started to notice you had the same hair color as his original child.

After he adopts you it takes two years for him to realize you were the reincarnation of his original child.

"Papa, can you read me La belle et la Bête?" You asked.

He does a spit take with his tea. His first child's favorite story was La belle et la Bête, they would beg for him to always read it.

He starts to notice other things about you, how you have freckles in places where your past life had scales thanks to Eleazar.

Now he introduces you to Furina and is slightly more worried about your health, he also never takes you to Sumeru in fear that you'll catch Eleazar.

As much as he loves his original child, he never wants you to feel overshadowed by them. He cares about you and his dead child. He never mentions reincarnation because he doesn't want to give you a crisis.

"Je t'aime... mon petit dragon," Neuvillette says, as he cradles you in his arms.

He puts you to bed and makes sure you fall asleep. Kissing your forehead, he leaves you to sleep peacefully as your music box plays.

[cellberry]

"You named their duo name after them both murdering a child!?" - Aimsey

[sentientsky]

Hozier, "Francesca"

that's his daughter! his kid! u don't mess with his kid or he'll [checks smudged writing on hand] commit acts of extreme violence with no regard for his own safety (good for him)

[mikaikaika]

Dude I'm also thinking of how Pepito and Sunny are gonna take the news. It's been established that Empanada is the eldest and used to be the protector of the Trio but the one time she needed protection, Sunny and Pepito couldn't be there for her :(((((

[laureala]

amelia shepherd in every season

Private Practice S5 (4/17)

My life has turned into a horror show and all I can do is stand back and watch it play out. My baby has no brain. No brain. I'm a damn neurosurgeon and my baby has no brain. I would say God has a sense of humor but there is no God. No God would do this.

[kadextra]

q!bad talking to bobby’s grave: “there’s no replacing you, but your dad (q!roier) was able to give his love to something else… but now that’s gone too.”

AUGHHHHHHHHHH

[yonemurishiroku]

If i had a nickel for every time Nico and Percy lose their child, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's fascinating that it happened twice. What's with these two and child loss.

[vennw]

[splatattackz]

im pretty sure the alive egg is a1.

looking back at the vod, you can see on the barrels for group #004 is a sign labeled "□□□ □□" (shown below)

the number of boxes matches up perfectly with "EGG A1"

the tts also hesitated saying "alive". we saw a1 die, yes, but in no way was it made to seem that was their second life or even their only one. theyre just on one life now, but alive somewhere. memory, on the other hand, was in the same group as pomme and tallulah, 2 eggs we know were on the brink of death when they were finally found by islanders. memory is quite literally what wouldve happened to them had they never been found. which is sad to think about but for a diff post i think..

[onlytiktoks]

https://www.kansascity.com/news/local/article295976059.html

[hepbaestus]

And it's Mouse's birthday. Fuck.

Empanada died on Mouse's birthday. Shit.

[sentientsky]

apparently i'm in a mood tonight. have some more pain. i mean. normal happy edits :)